Thursday, May 06, 2004
Different Gifts for Different Mothers
Mother's Day is upon us. And the age-old question needs to be answered -- what does She want?
So I will tell you all a little secret about that. It depends how old her kids are.
If she is a young-Mom, with young children, she is a very very busy woman. She probably gets up first and goes to bed last. She never leaves one room without arms full of somethings that need to be put away in a different room. She rarely sits, not even through dinner -- watch her, she always has to get up to get salt/butter/bread/milk or a clean spoon for the one that was dropped or sponge to clean up the drink that was spilt. Her hip is always out to one side from supporting a tot and the other arm is longer then the first from holding a tiny little hand while walking across streets or thru parking lots. She shops for, tends, and cleans everything that touches her family. She oversees homework, playtime, sports and activities. She is the main fan, the number one supporter of anything her child may try. She might not know the latest fashions or what plays are on Broadway, but she knows the names of Teletubbies, Sponge Bob's friends, and most of the Pokemons. And most likely, she works, goes to school, volunteers, or all of the above outside the home. This woman could really use a break! And not the sitting down to rest for an hour, but then have to work twice as hard to get everything caught up kind of break. A real break with some serious pampering.
If she is a mid-Mom with teens for kids, she has grown less stressed about only having 24 hours in a day. Now, she is Organization personified. Unfortunately, she is more stressed overall then ever, this time about the kids: where are they -- really; who are they with -- really; what are they doing -- really? She has gained a great spirituality from all the praying over her kids, but still can't totally trust God to take care of them. She strives to let the kids know how much confidence she has in their ability to make their own decisions and solve their own problems, but in her heart, she is wretched with anguish over every pain suffered during the maturation process. She misses the admiration and pure love of her toddlers and misses being all-inclusive in their lives. This woman needs to reconnect with her kids. She needs some quality time where ideas and feelings can be shared. Goals? Concerns? What ARE the kids thinking about these days? Give her proof that her lessons have sunk in, that her kids were listening and learning, and are now growing into great young adults, and most of all, proving her a Good Mom. Some quiet activity shared, like a board game or a quiet meal, and some surprise gift that shows her kids have really thought about who she is and what she likes would go a long way.
If she is an old-Mom, an empty nester, she really just wants to see her children. She wants to know they look healthy, look happy, look familiar. She has passed her child bearing days and has the right to anticipate or enjoy grandchildren. She may be tempted to do a little last minute parenting when she sees her kids -- it is an instinct stronger then any other in this universe -- but she is very proud of her brood. She needs to be treated with the same respect as a co-worker or neighbor no matter how old she has grown. She is not a child. She is not weak. She has survived innumerable challenges. But she still needs to have some inclusion in her children's lives on a regular, predictable basis, even if she has grown used to a quiet private routine. Any memento that demonstrates appreciation for her is appropriate. But spending some time with the children she's devoted her life to is sometimes all she really wants.
Mother's Day is upon us. And the age-old question needs to be answered -- what does She want?
So I will tell you all a little secret about that. It depends how old her kids are.
If she is a young-Mom, with young children, she is a very very busy woman. She probably gets up first and goes to bed last. She never leaves one room without arms full of somethings that need to be put away in a different room. She rarely sits, not even through dinner -- watch her, she always has to get up to get salt/butter/bread/milk or a clean spoon for the one that was dropped or sponge to clean up the drink that was spilt. Her hip is always out to one side from supporting a tot and the other arm is longer then the first from holding a tiny little hand while walking across streets or thru parking lots. She shops for, tends, and cleans everything that touches her family. She oversees homework, playtime, sports and activities. She is the main fan, the number one supporter of anything her child may try. She might not know the latest fashions or what plays are on Broadway, but she knows the names of Teletubbies, Sponge Bob's friends, and most of the Pokemons. And most likely, she works, goes to school, volunteers, or all of the above outside the home. This woman could really use a break! And not the sitting down to rest for an hour, but then have to work twice as hard to get everything caught up kind of break. A real break with some serious pampering.
If she is a mid-Mom with teens for kids, she has grown less stressed about only having 24 hours in a day. Now, she is Organization personified. Unfortunately, she is more stressed overall then ever, this time about the kids: where are they -- really; who are they with -- really; what are they doing -- really? She has gained a great spirituality from all the praying over her kids, but still can't totally trust God to take care of them. She strives to let the kids know how much confidence she has in their ability to make their own decisions and solve their own problems, but in her heart, she is wretched with anguish over every pain suffered during the maturation process. She misses the admiration and pure love of her toddlers and misses being all-inclusive in their lives. This woman needs to reconnect with her kids. She needs some quality time where ideas and feelings can be shared. Goals? Concerns? What ARE the kids thinking about these days? Give her proof that her lessons have sunk in, that her kids were listening and learning, and are now growing into great young adults, and most of all, proving her a Good Mom. Some quiet activity shared, like a board game or a quiet meal, and some surprise gift that shows her kids have really thought about who she is and what she likes would go a long way.
If she is an old-Mom, an empty nester, she really just wants to see her children. She wants to know they look healthy, look happy, look familiar. She has passed her child bearing days and has the right to anticipate or enjoy grandchildren. She may be tempted to do a little last minute parenting when she sees her kids -- it is an instinct stronger then any other in this universe -- but she is very proud of her brood. She needs to be treated with the same respect as a co-worker or neighbor no matter how old she has grown. She is not a child. She is not weak. She has survived innumerable challenges. But she still needs to have some inclusion in her children's lives on a regular, predictable basis, even if she has grown used to a quiet private routine. Any memento that demonstrates appreciation for her is appropriate. But spending some time with the children she's devoted her life to is sometimes all she really wants.
